On of my biggest disappointments is probably, I like wasn’t the nicest person way back in elementary school. Like I would just not talk to my friends, or I just like would not be interested in something and I feel like I would be very vocal about it with my facial expressions, or I would just flat out say it. Like even though we were in elementary school I feel like I wasn’t very reliable and looking back on it now I probably hurt a lot of people. Also I would be friendly and happy one day, and then the next day I would just not talk to anyone.

Back to the whole me being very vocal about my feelings, I would hate myself now. Like my sister Cassandra will do that to me and I will literately go off on her, and that’s why me and my sister don’t get along. Sometimes she, and many other people, will remind me of my self in not a good way. Like I hate that I did this stuff cause I now how it feels to feel like you don’t have someone, and to think I used to make people feel like that makes me upset and very disappointment.

Like in the end I’m happy it happened because it taught me a good lesson. Now I try my hardest to be nice and there for people even though I kind of have a dark sense of humor and sometimes people take that the wrong way. Sometimes people do things that I don’t always agree with but regardless I try to be there for people cause I know what it is like to have no one. I am happy it happened but I am upset it had to.

One thing that I am passionate about is like getting out of here. Like that kind of sounds odd, not going to lie but I really want to move out of here. I want to go to a really big city were I don’t know anyone and I can just do my own thing and thrive. I really want to be a makeup artist and possibly like dye, cut, and style hair and I feel like in a big city there would be so many opportunities for things like that. Here I feel like everyone is always in everyone’s buisness and I don’t appreciate that at all. I like to do my own thing and have my own routine and I feel like most of the time I can’t do that here.

Another thing I am passionate about is sleep and my sleep schedule. Like if you wake me up I will low key be annoyed with you for the rest of the day. Like just leave my sleep schedule alone please. Or like in the summers I completely swap my schedule around so I am up at nights and I sleep during the day. I enjoy that a lot because my brother works at nights so when he is not working we are playing normally from like 6PM to about 5AM. But like we don’t constantly play like we take breaks from our games and eat but we keep it so that we can talk.

This next thing is going to seem a bit off but I promise it’s not. I freaking love nights. Like as I stated before I like to be up in the nights and sleep during the days, but to me everything just seems better at nights. Like late night drives, listening to Lil Peep and Tame Impala at nights, and even cleaning my room at nights. I just love it and it oddly makes me happy.

If I could fix a bad habit I would probably choose procrastinating. I legit procrastinate all the time, it’s kind of a problem. Like I will have four problems in math to do over the weekend, and you already know that I am going to wait until Sunday evening , at 10 o’clock, and start on those four problems. Like I will have an essay that is due in three weeks, you bet your bottom dollar that I will be sitting in my room, the day before it’s due, chugging a iced coffee, just finally starting on it.

Another thing I would break is bouncing my leg. I do it all the time, I am doing it right now as we speak. It always gets me in in trouble, ecspecially at family events. I will be sitting at the Thanksgiving Table, waiting for food to come around bouncing my leg and Gail, my aunt, will legit start going off on me. Even at the lunch table I will be minding my own business and someone will be like whoever is bouncing your leg, stop. Like it’s not cute.

Finally, spacing out, I need to stop spacing out. Like its so freaking bad. I will be sitting down having a conversation with someone, and my mind starts to wander. Then I will listen in to there conversation, and the person will be like, “Ya, and that’s how my dog stabbed my foot forty seven times with a lamp”, and they walk away. Then that leaves me sitting there, wondering how did her dog stab her foot forty seven times with a lamp.

If I could go back in time and give advice to someone I would choose myself. The reason I choose myself is because looking back on my life, I feel like there are so many things that I could have done, to just get a better outcome in life. Like not gonna lie, I can be kinda dumb sometimes, like real talk. So I just feel like I could give myself very good advice, and I’d be a better person.

I feel like the first thing I would tell myself is screw the haters. Cliche, I know, but believe it or not it’s very true. There have been so many times were I was so concerned with what a person thought of me, or if a person liked me or not. Like legit odds are it wont matter in a year or even freaking 6 months. Also not every one is gonna like you, how you act, or how you look, and that’s perfectly fine.

The next thing I would tell my self is study. Like grades are important sissy. Then, the next thing is enjoy little things and just stop stressing. Like I said, there are so many times were I stressed about what people thought, or other dumb reasons. I feel like if I could have just taken a step back and enjoyed life I would be a bit more positive in general.

This past month I feel like I have been very busy, and a few things have changed. For starters my hair is a brown now. It is October, which I love, because I love fall. Fall is my favorite season, and Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, that and the Fourth of July, but that’s getting off track. Anyways, this last weekend I stayed with Amanda. She picked me up, we went to Pizza Ranch and ate, then we went to the pumpkin patch outside of Mitchell. Then we made a fun trip to Walmart and bought snacks and beverages. We then went back to her apartment and painted pumpkins and watched horror movies.

Today it was supposed to snow, and that made me very happy because I like the cold. Sadly none of the snow stuck. It’s more just rainy and cool which if perfectly fine by me, seeing as how I like the rain. Anyways after volleyball I have to do homework which is boring but it isn’t a whole lot. But I am just excited for the weekend after the long week I have had. I am gonna enjoy myself and watch spooky movies, and maybe tidy up a bit. I guess that is kind of it, oh and I almost failed my math test yesterday. That’s all.

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

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